Bus Routes in Co Durham
X12: Newcastle to Middlesbrough
It’s a deconstructed, flatpack breakfast on a rectangular plate. All the ingredients are there, just not together. What a calamity.
Bus Routes in Northumberland
X18: Berwick to Newcastle
Bagpipes are an incredible invention. I’d never think in a million years to gut a sheep, attach pipes to the holes where its neck and legs once were, and squeeze out a tune.
Bus Routes in Northumberland
253: Edinburgh to Berwick
I don’t care what happens to my remains, but I promise to do everything in my spectral powers to haunt anyone who puts me in an Irn-Bru coffin.
Bus Routes in Wales
2: Mold to Ruthin
Nana Meg’s joy turned to contempt when she realised her telegram from the Queen was instead from Iain Duncan Smith, and spent the rest of her big day getting razzed on brandy.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
4: Chester to Mold
She wears false eyelashes which would frighten a tarantula, and a t-shirt with the slogan ‘Too Glam to Give a Damn’ across the bust. Her seething response when the driver dares to beep a warning suggests that, if anything, she somehow needs to become more glam.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
500: Widnes to Liverpool
Nobody swears like a Scouser, and for the next half an hour, the girls treat us to an f-word masterclass, with crackling white noise lobbed out whenever they broach a letter ‘k’.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
62: Warrington to Widnes
Spike Island hasn’t hosted another gig since, but a 30th anniversary show will happen in May, headlined by The Clone Roses. A host of other Manchester tribute acts are opening up, playing other people’s tunes to middle-aged men in bucket hats.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
2: Oswestry to Wrexham
You might be desperate to escape, but the local authorities are determined to trick you into staying, as the timetables on the walls of the bus station are all for Gobowen, a village a few miles away.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
70a – Shrewsbury to Oswestry
We’re expecting Oswestry to either be weird or brilliant. Isolated towns without a railway station usually are, and – spoiler alert – we find out that it’s definitely one of them.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
436: Bridgnorth to Shrewsbury
This heady concoction of sweat and sun cream has violently disagreed with the wee beasties, leaving their lifeless exoskeletons strewn between my freckles, and leading to a very rare victory for me against insects.