Bus Routes in Wales
2: Mold to Ruthin
Nana Meg’s joy turned to contempt when she realised her telegram from the Queen was instead from Iain Duncan Smith, and spent the rest of her big day getting razzed on brandy.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
4: Chester to Mold
She wears false eyelashes which would frighten a tarantula, and a t-shirt with the slogan ‘Too Glam to Give a Damn’ across the bust. Her seething response when the driver dares to beep a warning suggests that, if anything, she somehow needs to become more glam.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
500: Widnes to Liverpool
Nobody swears like a Scouser, and for the next half an hour, the girls treat us to an f-word masterclass, with crackling white noise lobbed out whenever they broach a letter ‘k’.
Bus Routes In Cheshire
62: Warrington to Widnes
Spike Island hasn’t hosted another gig since, but a 30th anniversary show will happen in May, headlined by The Clone Roses. A host of other Manchester tribute acts are opening up, playing other people’s tunes to middle-aged men in bucket hats.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
2: Oswestry to Wrexham
You might be desperate to escape, but the local authorities are determined to trick you into staying, as the timetables on the walls of the bus station are all for Gobowen, a village a few miles away.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
70a – Shrewsbury to Oswestry
We’re expecting Oswestry to either be weird or brilliant. Isolated towns without a railway station usually are, and – spoiler alert – we find out that it’s definitely one of them.
Bus Routes In Shropshire
436: Bridgnorth to Shrewsbury
This heady concoction of sweat and sun cream has violently disagreed with the wee beasties, leaving their lifeless exoskeletons strewn between my freckles, and leading to a very rare victory for me against insects.
Bus Routes in North Yorkshire
31X: Helmsley to York
It’s worth remembering that last of the Three Little Pigs ends up boiling the Big Bad Wolf alive in a cauldron, and presumably ends up gobbling up his previously devoured brothers as a result.
Bus Routes in North Yorkshire
128: Scarborough to Helmsley
A friend of mine spent a couple of nights here on his stag do a couple of years ago.
‘You’ll have a great time,’ he texted ahead of my arrival,
‘but whatever you do, don’t touch anything.’
Bus Routes In Shropshire
435: Shrewsbury to Ludlow
It’s then that he lets out a triple sneeze of such magnitude that, with his left hand holding a bag and his right catching his germs, his already low-slung shorts have nothing to stop them from sliding down beyond his knees.